What if They Make the First Offer?

What do you do if your spouse makes the first offer?

Start by giving off a subtle and respectful flinch.  He or she is watching for your reaction.  A flinch indicates mild surprise; it is a polite way of indicating your disapproval.  People believe what they see more than what they hear.  You can usually expect their attitude to be more accommodating after a credible flinch.

Never say yes to a first offer, even if you think it is a good deal.  To do so will leave your partner with thoughts that they offered too much.  You want them to feel they made a good deal and not be kicking themselves later.

Do not say no too quickly.  Show that you are considering their position by allowing sufficient time to pass before you respond.  If you want your spouse to give serious thought to what you want, you must at least give the impression of giving serious thought to what your spouse wants.



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Kari and Richard are staunch advocates of the non-court approach to divorce, and are also active and seasoned litigators with over 80 years of combined trial experience in the Illinois divorce courts of Cook and DuPage counties.