We don’t know who we married.

Some of us sit down at the bargaining table and discover a whole new side to the person we married. So new, in fact, that we can’t be sure if the person across the table is really our spouse or if it’s some greedy creature from outer space that has taken over our spouse’s form and brain.

The truth is that no one ever really knows who they married until a divorce gets underway. During their dating, courtship and marriage, the partners always have something to gain by ultimately smoothing out arguments or disagreements. It’s as if there is some unwritten law that prevents the crossing of spousal behavior limits and friction boundaries.

Once divorce hits, all prior restraints disappear, and all speed limits are lifted. We are free to do whatever we want. And, this is when we get our first glimpse of who we married.

Recognize that you and the person you thought you knew – and you thought knew you best – are now negotiating as strangers. You are both victims of the dynamics of divorce. You overcome this by anticipating that you will not be able to anticipate what this “stranger” will do. Expect the worst behavior imaginable, and you will not be tempted to overreact to anything your spouse throws your way.


We welcome hearing from you and we invite your questions. There is no obligation. No one will ever know that we spoke or what we discussed. Everything you say is privileged, confidential, and completely classified. We do not maintain a mailing list and will not contact you unless you ask us to.

Contacting us is easy!

Call 630-928-0600 

Email kc@illinoislegal.com

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If we are in court or in a meeting when you call, one of us will personally get back to you as quickly as possible. We are extremely discreet with callbacks and reply emails. Just leave your name and a secure email address or personal cell phone number.

Kari and Richard are staunch advocates of the non-court approach to divorce, and are also active and seasoned litigators with over 80 years of combined trial experience in the Illinois divorce courts of Cook and DuPage counties.