Should You Confront the Paramour?

This article was published in the Chicago Now section of the Chicago Tribune (circa 2011) as part of the Kulerski & Cornelison “The Way We War” series of articles.

No. Don’t. There is nothing positive to be gained by doing so.

Infidelity typically involves three people, the innocent spouse, the unfaithful spouse, and the ‘other person’ (the OP).

A common mistake is for the innocent party to seek answers to questions that maybe are best left unanswered. Frequently, the innocent partner gets an overwhelming need to confront the OP, often to the point of compulsion. This is a natural thing to want to do, but it is a huge mistake.

How much information do you really want? You know enough already. Learning more just means you will experience more pain.

The OP is going to be defensive and will attempt to justify his/her behavior. This will upset you. It is impossible for their explanation to lessen your distress. Whatever the OP says will stick with you and cause you additional anguish. Don’t you have enough already? Why knowingly add to it?

The best thing the innocent spouse can do is get their mind off the affair and the OP, and get on with their recovery. Dwelling on what happened will only prolong the misery.