Avoiding Anger and Blame

  • Never bite the hand that is negotiating with you. Be appreciative that they are talking settlement with you.
  • Blaming is biting, and so is showing anger.
  • Both anger and blaming are counterproductive, and neither can ever get us what we want.
  • You cannot be guilty of blaming if you never mention things that have already happened.
  • Blaming your spouse will make him/her angry and angry people do not compromise.
  • Never show your anger. It accomplishes nothing.
  • Anger never sells anyone on anything.
  • Angry people do not settle, they fight.
  • Angry people make bad decisions.
  • You cannot lessen your spouse’s anger until you can control your own.
  • Your anger is your spouse’s best weapon.
  • Never, ever get hooked by your spouse’s anger. Ignore it, and carry-on in a normal and pleasant tone of voice.
  • Reason has little power against anger.
  • Showing anger closes our spouse’s ears and prevents us from making our point.
  • Anger distorts our perception, twists our thinking, and impairs our ability to solve problems.
  • Showing anger gives our partners continued justification to see themselves as the victim.

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Kari and Richard are staunch advocates of the non-court approach to divorce, and are also active and seasoned litigators with over 80 years of combined trial experience in the Illinois divorce courts of Cook and DuPage counties.