We Have Been Going About Divorce All Wrong
We have been going about divorce all wrong. If the world is our oyster, we have been using the wrong fork. We thought we could persuade our spouse to settle out of court by explaining the reasonableness of our position. This does not work; in fact, a century of divorce wars proves it does not work. No, our best chance of getting through to our spouse is by listening to the reasonableness of their position.
We listen and we continue to listen. We listen until their stance begins to soften and their thinking becomes moldable. We don’t argue with them; we just listen until they discover (as reasonable people do) that compromise doesn’t mean losing. It just means they have discovered another acceptable solution.
Our partner’s mind is locked during divorce and can be opened only from the inside. So, if we hope to gain entry and disengage their resistance, our best bet is to stop talking and start listening. Their deadbolts will remain in place until we’ve heard every last word they have to say.
Don’t believe it? Then please ask yourself what it would take for your spouse to get you to change your mind.
Would you ever really consider compromising if all that your partner did was to argue in favor of their position?
Or, would you be more inclined to loosen up if they showed a genuine willingness to understand your side, too?
So, without realizing the futility of it all, we’ve spent the past 100 years pleading our cases to a brick wall. What we really needed to keep things (or our spouse) on track was someone to guide us around the wall.
Instead, we turned to the legal system for assistance. It was the only game in town, and it wasn’t enough. It still isn’t. It’s too frustrating, lengthy, costly, and damaging to the family. The divorcing public is fed up, and this is why the civilized approach to divorce is gaining momentum nationwide. It is our only alternative.