Society has just experienced a century of costly, damaging, and painful divorce wars and, until recently, has done nothing to correct the situation.
Divorce Mediation arrived the mid 1980′s, collaborative law arrived in the early 1990′s, and our newest divorce money and pain saving process – cooperative divorce law – has just now arrived in Illinois.
These three alternatives make it possible for divorcing couples to avoid the costly and damaging courtroom experiences that our predecessors were required to endure.
The thousands of folks that preceded us in divorce were limited in their ability to convince their spouses to settle out of court. We now know more about the art of negotiation and can easily overcome this limitation.
We have learned that we cannot get through to our spouse by explaining the reasonableness of our position. A century of divorce wars proves this does not work. We are not able to unlock their thinking from the outside because our key only works from the inside.
If we hope to disengage our partner’s resistance, we have to get to the inside of their reasoning process. We earn the key that gains us entry when we stop talking and start listening. Their deadbolts will remain in place until we have heard every word they say.
This is the core of the secret to a friendly divorce.