Handling an Angry Soon-to-Be Ex

When your spouse explodes, patiently wait for them to stop, and then acknowledge their reaction. By simply saying, “I can hear that you are upset,” you are establishing that you are listening and that you recognize your spouse’s right to such a reaction. Don’t say their opinion is wrong.

When our spouse angrily lists our injustices toward them, we may feel the need to set the record straight and defend ourselves. But we cannot change their mind by disagreeing with them. Challenging their accusations cannot help us; it will only add to the fire of our spouse’s emotions.

When they explode and let anger get the best of them, let it go. Expect your spouse to lose it at least twice during the divorce process. Don’t question their right to be angry and don’t take it personally.

When they explode, stay cool for as long as possible. Creating a three-second lag time before responding may seem difficult, but it is the best thing you can do to disconnect from your own anger. Never allow yourself to respond by saying such things as, “Don’t you dare talk to me in that tone.”

Remember: Your own anger is your spouse’s best weapon.

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