Beware of Divorce’s Double Whammy Part One

Divorcing couples go through a highly emotional time. Negative feelings of fear, jealousy, anger, frustration, and resentment commonly arise when we believe we are being wronged or when we believe something we value is being threatened.

However, we must realize that emotions have the same effect on our spouse as they do on us. It only makes sense, therefore, to try to reduce the intensity of our spouse’s negative emotions by controlling how we show ours.

Anger is the most powerful emotion, and anger in a divorce is pure poison. It makes us look crazy and it infuriates our spouse. It closes our spouse’s ears and prevents us from making our points. It distorts our perceptions, twists our thinking, and impairs our ability to solve problems. It gives our spouse justification to see herself or himself as a victim.

In any divorce, a major source of anger is blame. If we are angry, we blame; placing blame intensifies our anger. The person we blame resents it and gets angry right back. Anger and blame feed off themselves and kill divorce settlements.

More about this in PART II (on August 3, 2011).

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