9 Laughable Remarks That Divorce Lawyers Hear Every Day

Divorce lawyers hear all kinds of stories.

Not a week goes by where we don’t hear a client tell us about an intimidating remark that their spouse has said to them. These are universal statements that are obviously meant to control the other spouse. To the lawyers, these statements are meaningless. However, to the client who hears them for the first time, they are devastating.

Here is a sampling of some of the more famous of these utterances:

“I’ll quit my job and then what’ll you get?” This is the premier, all-time classic. It is nothing to worry about. About one out of a million will actually quit his/her job.

“You can leave, but the kids stay here.” Or “I can fix it so you’ll never see the kids again.” These are the ramblings of an upset, immature bully. Comments like these are familiar tunes that are used in more divorces than you can possibly imagine.

I don’t mind paying child support, but I want proof that you are spending it all on the kids.” This time-honored mouthful ranks right up there with the classics. Don’t give it a second thought.

“I’ll give the lawyers every last cent before I’ll agree to that.” This is the same person that shops for cheapest lawyer in town.

“Your lawyer is an idiot; he’s just running up the bill.” Talk about a control freak. He/she resents not being able to run things and believes they can regain control by driving a wedge between their partner and their partner’s attorney.

“Surely overtime doesn’t apply to how much I pay in child support, does it? I’ll simply quit working overtime if it does.”This one is timeless and is probably the second most worn-out remark in divorce. They usually try to get more overtime once the divorce is finalized.

“The pension is all mine, I worked for it.”This person probably went to a different law school than we did. The law is bigger than his/her legal opinion.

“The judge can’t make me pay you that much. Business stinks and the company is talking about cutbacks. I’ll be lucky if I have a job next year.”Every divorce lawyer will tell you that the year of the divorce is always the year that sales are down, hours will be cut, over-time and bonuses are being discontinued, etc. For some odd reason, things always seem to pick up in the year after the divorce.

“You mess with me, and I’m going for full custody.”Tell him to go for it. When his lawyer asks him for $25,000 to fund a custody battle, you’ll see how much he means it. Talk is cheap and so are the people that say these things. Control freaks always try to use the children as leverage.

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Kari and Richard are staunch advocates of the non-court approach to divorce, and are also active and seasoned litigators with over 80 years of combined trial experience in the Illinois divorce courts of Cook and DuPage counties.