Divorce settlements fail when our biased view of things allows us to see only our own “truth.” We focus so intently on the truth we are trying to explain, that we block ourselves from hearing what the other side has to say. Here’s the real truth: We will persuade our spouse to be cooperative by listening to what they need to say, not by saying what we think needs to be said.
All too often there is a tendency to become hard of hearing during divorce settlement talks. We think we know what our spouse is going to say, we know it supports their view, not ours, and we know they are wrong. We do so much of our “listening” only to give us ammo for a “Yes, but…” response or to find something to attack. We don’t give two hoots about what they think or why they think it and can’t stand listening to a view contrary to our own.
Our soon-to-be-ex does not care about what we feel or think. They only care about what they feel and think. But we don’t win arguments by talking, we do it by listening. No one ever changes their mind until they know they have been heard.