No one ever told us how important it is to do what we can to reduce our soon-to-be ex spouse’s anxiety during the divorce. It gives us our best chance of getting our point across when we are discussing settlement terms with them.
In Part I of this post, we touched upon the importance of communicating without arguing and showing our partner that we do not dismiss their feelings and concerns. I cannot imagine how many of us have unwittingly derailed our own divorce settlement negotiations by not showing respect for our partner’s position.
Instead, we did what society programmed us to do. We told them that their viewpoint was wrong and we tried to convince them that ours was righteous and just.This approach does not make many friends and it does not keep divorces out of court. It represents exactly what not to do because it is confrontational and it breeds anxiety.
Anxiety prevents our spouse from understanding what they need to understand if we hope to get them to understand where we are coming from. Reduce their anxiety and reduce the frustration and cost of your divorce.