The Door to Divorce Court

The following are Kulerski and Cornelisons blog posts from their Chicago Tribune – Chicago Now – “The Way We War” blog.

The divorce court door is the best settlement tool we have.

Similar to logs traveling downriver, divorce cases drift aimlessly along for a year or two until the logjam bumps into the narrows of the courthouse door. The divorce you have long awaited suddenly becomes terrifying. The many months of posturing is now replaced by a mad scramble to settle before the trial starts.

Stepping through those courtroom doors signifies helplessness, your bargaining power is zero, you are about to let a stranger make decisions that are life changing.

Historically, we do not get serious about trying to reach an out of court settlement until the divorce is reaching its final stages. Until recently, and to our collective loss, our focus is not on trying to achieve a settlement during the beginning of the process.Our divorce legal system is adversarial, and my thesaurus associates the word “adversarial” with opposing, intimidating, hostile, antagonistic, menacing, frightening, nail-biting, and bloodcurdling.The emotional upheaval of divorce is bad enough, and the adversarial aspect makes it worse. It causes the parties to compete, and competitors do not compromise. They posture and fight.People in competition are out to prove they are right and the other party is wrong. Meeting their adversary halfway is out of the question. This mindset is the villain; it produces a downward retaliatory cycle that depletes good will and pocketbooks.

Typically, well over 90% of all divorce cases settle before reaching trial, with many settling on the eve of trial. By this time, the parties have likely spent more of their spirit, energy, and money than they ever thought possible (on a trial that statistically, at least, is not going to occur).

We would be wise to concentrate on resolving our differences early on, and this is where mediation, collaborative law, and cooperative divorce law come in. These are anti-war settlement models that create a non-confrontational climate in which an early settlement may take place. They suppress the parties’ inclination to complete, and they make settlement a priority, just as the courthouse door does.

Competitors focus on winning and, quite simply, there are no winners in a divorce battle. Both parties lose. The legal system cannot give us more than we have when we enter it. No matter what we have when we enter the system, we leave with less. And this is before the lawyers get a dime.

dreamstime_14806069-divorcepapers-300x1991

There may be honor in war, but there are always innocent casualties as well. The best military strategists are the ones that use diplomacy rather than guns. The greatest battles in history are the ones never fought. Your divorce can be a bloody battlefield, or it can be a peace treaty negotiated by sensible diplomats.Those courtroom doors are the entrance to the battlefield, do you really want to walk through them?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *