You’ve been struggling with suspicions and now the truth – your spouse has been having an affair. It feels as though your heart and soul have been ripped out, and it hurts.
“Infidelity stabs you over and over, at least initially,” says Dr. Bob Huizenga, marriage and family therapist, psychotherapist and author of Break Free from the Affair. Dr. Huizenga says it’s imperative to get a hold of your feelings. This doesn’t mean getting rid of these awful feelings, just managing them.
“Often, the more we insist upon them going away the more they seem to persist,” says Dr. Huizenga. “After all, your feelings have concerns and fears that MUST be addressed. But, you want to address them on YOUR timetable and in a way that will honor you.”
Dr. Huizenga’s first advice is to gain control.
“You want to control yourself, your thinking and your feelings as you move through this agonizing process,” he advises. “At the same time you do not want to control to the extent that you deny, avoid or minimize what it is that you must look at and address in your situation.”
Whether your next step is a DuPage County divorce or reconciliation, you must gain control in order to move forward.
Anger is our most powerful emotion and the anger experienced in divorce is pure poison, especially when infidelity is involved. It’s easy to blame your spouse and you feel as though you “deserve” revenge. Unfortunately, this only intensifies your anger and ignites the same in your spouse.
Left to run out of control, these powerful emotions can keep couples from reaching a civilized divorce settlement.
Now is the time for couples to determine what’s best for them and their children. Divorce lawyers in Dupage County are using new methods aimed at keeping you away from the stress of heated divorce court proceedings. Mediation, collaborative law and cooperative divorce law options allow couples who are able to gain control of their emotions the opportunity to avoid a long and expensive divorce.
Setting your sights on a “friendly” divorce settlement is a great way to minimize the pain of those awful feelings, while saving at least a part of the relationship and some serious money.