Co-Parenting: Why It Is Important
Dupage Divorce Attorneys Kulerski and Cornelison realize that parenting can be challenging for all parents, but it can be especially difficult for divorced parents. You may have a lot of negative feelings about your ex (or soon to be ex), and you may not want to have them in your life. However, your job as a parent is more important than your personal feelings. You need to do what is best for your child. That means forming a co-parenting relationship with your ex.
When you create this co-parenting relationship, your children will see that they are important to you. This will ease their fears that the divorce was somehow their fault or that they are a cause of conflict between you and your ex.
You will also be giving your children a great example of how to solve conflicts. As you know, your children will get older and will meet people that they don’t necessarily get along with in the future. What example do you want to set for them? You want to show them something positive, of course!
As you and your spouse develop a co-parenting relationship, there will likely be bumps in the road. When this happens, it’s important to remember that you should not involve your children. Do not let them see you get frustrated with your ex. If you need to vent or complain, call a friend, and be sure that you have the conversation when your children cannot overhear it.
When you want to communicate with your ex, do so directly. Call them, text them, or email them – whatever works for the both of you. But do not use your child as a messenger. If you tell your child to tell your ex something, and your ex’s first reaction to that message is negative, your child will see it and/or hear it. Your child may feel that your spouse’s negative reaction or anger is directed at them. This can make your child feel afraid and insecure.
Co-parenting may not always be easy, and you will have to learn to put your feelings aside. Yes, there may be times when you are angry or frustrated, or even hurt by your ex. Remember that your children are more important than these feelings.
It’s also good to remember that the feelings you have for your ex will change. Keep working through your feelings and toward your new co-parenting relationship. In time, you may realize that you and your ex are even becoming friends. What greater gift for your child is there than that?
Richard and Kari are Dupage Divorce Attorneys who welcome hearing from you and we invite your questions. There is no obligation. No one will ever know that we spoke or what we discussed. Everything you say is privileged, confidential, and completely classified. We do not maintain a mailing list and will not contact you unless you ask us to.
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Richard and Kari are staunch advocates of the non-court approach to divorce, and are also active and seasoned litigators with over 60 years of combined trial experience in the Illinois divorce courts of Cook, DuPage, and Will counties.
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