Avoiding Divorce Court

Divorcing couples have difficulty believing that there could be two sides to the story. Once their settlement conversations begin, however, it is profitable and productive for them to at least pretend that there could be two sides.

If your spouse has a different perspective, understand that different does not mean wrong. It only means different. Explain this reality to your spouse and ask for a mutual agreement allowing both of your perspectives to join the two of you at the bargaining table.

Keep in mind that you will never be able to change your spouse’s perspective, and your spouse will never be able to change yours! The pain, cost, anger, and frustration of conflict and of going to trial are the result of not being able to persuade your partner that you are right and that they are wrong.

You cannot win if you try to change your partner’s perspective. You win by simply validating their right to see things as they do and then working around it.

There is freedom in accepting each other’s views as possible solutions. It frees the mind of ego, bias, and obstinacy, and opens the doors to a higher form of creativity that does have the capability to resolve your difficulty.

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